Rockin' it in Relationships: The Tough Talks

In every relationship- even the most easy going, low tension relationships, everyone will have to have a few "uncomfortable conversations". This would be a talk that a couple must have but would rather avoid. If you're in a relationship, you probably have gone through one or more, but if you happen to be new to this, here are some conversations that could go totally off the handle:

-"We need to fix your spending issues."

-"You need to stop gambling."

-"Why do you come home late all of the time?"

-"Do you want to move in to my place or yours?"

-"Do we go to your family's Christmas party or mine?"

-"I'm moving across the country... can we do this?"

No matter the conversation, there are a number of things that you "do" and "do not" do. Feel free to add these to your TT (Tough Talk) Tool belt.

1. Do NOT Respond Impulsively: In any ordinary conversation, it's typical and totally fine to give your immediate response- but you cannot do so when in a Tough Talk. Unless you totally agree with or are understanding of your partner's perspective it is always better to take a moment. Gather and consider your thoughts so that you can compile your words appropriately and compassionately. Yes, this requires that you swallow your pride and bite your tongue- but it will help. The more you come off as pensive and reasonable, the more willing your partner will be to understand your side of things.

2. It is NOT you VS. Them: This isn't Street Fighter IV: Couple Edition. Even when you are in total opposition you have to realize that you two are ultimately trying to work together. Put aside your hostility and passion for your perspective and think about how much you love and respect the other person, so that you two can get back into your unstoppable, inseparable couple groove.

3. If Something Comes Out The Wrong Way, It Probably Did:

Example: Ben and I got into a bit of a spat and I didn't understand the meaning beneath a comment that he made.

What TO Do: Ask him what he means to say.

What NOT To Do (What I did): Attack the comment.

Remember, you want to avoid conflict and head towards a resolution. Sometimes people lose the right words, so they use the wrong ones- and sometimes they're too prideful to admit they're wrong. It's not kill or be killed, it's "hey, we're in a relationship and I love/really like you. Let's fix this."

4. If You Do Get Into a Fight: Don't be stubborn- listen to the voice in your head that is telling you to chill the fuck out. There's always a point in an argument where you realize "wow, I'm probably being a jerk, I should probably back off." Some people (me) get so charged that they just keep compulsively popping off like a glued down trigger on an automatic. I know that this sounds crazy, but take a few seconds to imagine the consequences of this needlessly aggressive approach. Imagine what would happen if you lost her- would your two cents be worth that?

You love this person regardless of a petty or even a very serious fight. If you have to, take a moment to leave, chill out and gather yourself.

I hope that you were able to find something useful in here. These tips can be used for literally any kind of Tough Talk in any kind of relationship. Let me know if I should keep up with "Rockin' It In Relationships" and if you enjoyed this at all. Have a wonderful day and keep on loving. :)

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