Analogies for Long Distance Relationships

*Kinda like being stabbed in the eyes with rose thorns. I still love roses and think that it's a beautiful irony, but it fucking hurts- and love can make you blind.

Okay, that was baller.

*self five*

*Sorta feels like working a job that you love, except it doesn't give you enough hours. All you want to do is be there and continue to grow in what you love (heh) but you can't just barge in there and be like, "okay, I'm taking (you) over."

*Having your significant other visit and then leave is sorta like being able to play your favorite game. You know how it's played and how you feel when you do have it, but when your mom takes it and puts it on the top shelf you cry. You cry because you can see this thing that you love so much. that you know so well, but you can't touch it. You're being kept from your favorite game, like what kind of sadistic f*ck takes away someone's favorite thing? GOSH MOM!

*Having to drop your significant other off at the airport is kinda like sending your kid to college. You know it's the best thing for them at this point in time and that it could be the catalyst that starts their life, but you still hate it and oh so secretly want them to come back crying and yelling "mommy, I never should have left you!"

*Sharing a bed with your significant other after sleeping alone for so long is like getting breast implants- or how I imagine them. You LOVE them and it's sorta like being given a constant support hug; but you're not used to it yet, so it's really hot and suffocating and sometimes you worry they'll pop, so you brace for impact but then realize that's silly because you didn't have tacos for dinner and if you did, there's nowhere to run because it's in your body/bed.

*Kissing your significant other after three months is (I can imagine) like eating donuts after a tolerance break. The first one is absolutely magical, like something out of a movie. You embrace and everything else melts away- your worries, your dramas, and the cream filling. It's just you and your fix, and you're on a high so strong that it lasts days. You're bringing them to parks, watching movies and enjoying intimate moments. Everything seems right in the world and then things start to fade into normality. You wake up to noticeably more weight with you in bed, you spend more time watching television, you start to remember your dreams and your aspirations. But the time comes to take a break again and you just don't want to. What will you do without your supply? How will you function? When you cry at night, who's going to come to your rescue and wipe the tears from your face? The first couple of days are really hard, but it gets easier. Still, you spend every day thinking about it and wanting for the day that you can have one again.

Since cutting gluten and dairy from my diet I really miss donuts, okay? They're my weakness- and the worst weakness to have, at that.

I hope you've enjoyed these fun little comparisons. I swear, some are truer than others. Some of them were slight exaggerations and nonetheless, I miss Benjamin and love him with all of my heart. I'm so excited to see him again, I'm just struggling with the time between now and then. So, how do we cope? Horrible humor!

If you decide to make one of these into a greeting card, you must consult me. Permission will only be granted to royalty and talking animals. Good luck with those perimeters.