How to Lead With Your Heart & Adapt Your Head

Right now, my heart is hurting. It's been so long since I've let her talk that right now she feels that I do not love her. All she needs is to know that she has been heard, and I haven't even given her the courtesy. So, despite the tactical moves that I have been making, my heart cries out for the slightest remnant of understanding.

I want you to know that I am allowing myself to be so raw and real with you because I think that my realness is integral to us building a relationship. I want you to read my writing not as a piece of advice that you're likely to dismiss, but as a letter encouraging a response. As you're reading this, I'd like to thank you for being such a huge part of my journey. Without you, I wouldn't have anyone to write for but myself. While I would still have enjoyed this, I feel so much more fulfilled to know that I have contributed something (even if only food for thought) to your life.

I've been living behind a wall for the past five years. I closed myself off from loved ones, gave my body to strangers and climbed into a fortress that took my boyfriend 5 months to break down. It all started when my family was separated and has continued to hold me back from people ever since.

The thing is, I realize just how exhausted this whole process has been. Rather than feeling emotions, I've been shoveling them further and further down. In my lunacy I continue to repeat this process, hoping that my problems will go away. Each time, I see the same results.

Some people think more with their left brains (logic & data) and others with their right brains (creative/emotional). In other words- some think with their heads and others with their hearts. There are pros and cons to both, but choosing only one perspective severely limits ones' capability to experience empathy and logic in harmony.

In my experience, the most successful approach to decision making is to create a homeostasis in which emotions reveal situations and logic finds stipulations to consider. For example, if you want to move across the country, you are fueled by desire. This emotion cannot tell you anything other than "I want to move because I want to make it home to my family." Logic is then put into play in the decision making process.

~"Is family worth sacrificing cheaper/easier/more exciting living?"

~"If I do leave, where will I go?"

~"Will my quality of life ultimately improve?" ~"Which aspects of my life will improve and which will worsen?"

~"What am I willing to trade?"

My approach has always been dominated more by emotion than logic. When I moved back to California, I did so because I wasn't as happy as I'd hoped to be living in Texas. I knew that if I moved back, I'd have an opportunity to have a relationship with my family, reunite with my boyfriend and be in a state that feels more like home to me. On impulse, I packed my stuff and moved back to California. While things were difficult in the beginning, my efforts proved comparable to my rewards.

Some people don't like working in such a state. They need more assurance that things will turn out in the right way.

Of course, developing a homeostasis depends on you and the way that you think. A few questions that you can ask, starting with your right brain are:

-"Why do I want to do this?"

-"How does this make me feel?"

-"What's the best case scenario?"

-"Am I happier here or will I be happier there?"

After deciding what could make you exponentially happier, more settled or experienced, take a moment to consider practicalities:

-"How am I going to do this?"

-"What is my backup plan?"

-"What is it going to take? What work do I have to put in?"

-"Are the benefits going to outweigh the costs?"

-"Is my happiness in (this particular area of life) worth this decision?"

-"Am I willing to do what it takes?"

Let both sides of your mind work together in harmony to create your better life. You cannot start "thinking more with your head than with your heart" because you may end up in a situation that is more efficient- such as working a BS job that makes a bunch of money- but makes you miserable as a result.

I encourage you to open your heart and mind to each other. Allow yourself to desire more- to push for more. Once your heart calls, all you have to do is decide how much you're willing to do/give/sacrifice to get what you ultimately want. Too many people deprive themselves of happiness because of their perceived "lack of efficiency"- but ultimately, you decide if that is worth having what you really want.

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